The journey of self-discovery entails of various paths and hurdles, but one of them is figuring out the answer to a simple and vital question: “What’s my default?”
What is the primary route I take or wish to take? The first thing I think about?
As in, when someone criticizes me: what’s my default?
When someone appreciates me: what’s my default?
When I see someone in need: what’s my default?
When I am let down: what’s my default?
You get the point.
Basically, when I can figure out my default, I can predict my immediate response. And when I can figure out my responses and reactions, I can start taking responsibility for how they should be.
Sometimes we make duaa for something extremely specific, with ignorance that we somehow know that it is best for us regardless of what is planned for us. We, as imperfect beings, fail to remember that Allah SWT is the Almighty, the Wise and the All-Knowing. It is only once we trust Allah wholeheartedly—we will watch how doors open for us.. and how everything just falls into place.
Sometimes, it becomes easier to understand other people when we begin by understanding a simple idea: that everything is relative.
My happiness is relative to my life experiences, the family I’ve grown up with, the friends I’ve had and have, the choices I’ve made, the books I’ve read and the way I currently choose (or don’t choose) to live my life.
The same goes with sadness. The same with anger. The same with love.
While someone’s happiness rests in the mere fact that their father came home safely after going to find food in a war-torn area—someone else’s version of happiness rests in buying a new pair of shoes.
One is more superficial than the other but neither of them are to be invalidated on the basis of our own personal scale of judgement. We cannot judge.
I cannot stand generalizations (if anything, I generalize myself). But, I cannot stand constant generalization interpreted as factual information—and eventually used as the basis to create judgement or to categorize people into “rights and wrongs.”
Obviously, as humans, we will inevitably draw conclusions about people, situations, emotion—all on the basis of our own personal experience. But it becomes easier to understand the world, stay humble and on a straight path when you understand a simple idea: that everything is relative beyond your imagination.